My Approach
You’re the Expert in Living Your Own Life…
I sometimes tell clients,
“I’m not the expert in living your life. You are.”
That often gets a laugh or some version of,
“Oh, I’m definitely not the expert in my life.”
But you’re the one living it. I’m not.
Providing Therapy for adults navigating
anxiety, depression, grief, relationships,
life transitions, and trauma healing –telehealth in Montana, Connecticut,
Florida, Idaho, New Mexico, and Vermont.
The life we’re talking about is yours.
I bring my training, experience, and understanding of people and the process of change. You bring something I can never have: your experience of being you. Together, we’ll make sense of what’s happening and figure out what might help.
Therapy isn’t about me telling you who you should be, what your life should look like, or which direction you should go. We can explore those things together, but the life we’re talking about is yours.
And if I have an area of expertise,
perhaps it’s helping you become more of an expert in living your own life.
About That Magic Wand…
Many years ago, a client gave me a magic wand. I still have it.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to work.
I’ve joked over the years that I’ve sent it out for repair several times,
but it always comes back in exactly the same condition.
I’ve come to realize that perhaps the problem
is that the magic was never in the wand.
And I know it isn’t something I have all by myself, either.
I bring my training, experience, curiosity, and a proverbial bag of tricks.
But there isn’t a magic fix I can pull out of that bag, either.
Whatever magic happens in therapy,
we make it together.
There Isn’t an Instruction Manual
Sometimes I wish therapy came with a textbook that said, “Start on page one, follow these steps, and here’s what happens next.”
It doesn’t.
You aren’t starting at Chapter 1 while I already know what happens in Chapter 10. I don’t have a working crystal ball, and I certainly don’t know what Chapter 10 looks like for you. And I don’t think I should be the one writing it.
We’ll figure out together what makes sense for you, what we’re working toward, and what might be useful along the way. We can make plans, try things, pay attention to what happens, and change direction when something isn’t helpful.
And sometimes we may find ourselves somewhere we hadn’t expected to go.
There isn’t a Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3…
Are You in Your Body?
You know that question, “Where in your body do you feel that?”
Maybe you’ve heard it before. Maybe you’ve even been asked it. And maybe your first thought was, “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
It’s a perfectly reasonable question, but it doesn’t necessarily make sense to everyone. So, I might ask it a little differently:
“Are you in your body?”
Sometimes the person knows exactly what I mean. They might say, “Nope. Absolutely not.” Or “Rarely.” Or “Always.”
Other times, I get a look that says, “What on earth are you talking about?”
And we can talk about that.
We all have a body. We can agree on that much: it comes everywhere with us. We dress it, wash it, feed it, and generally keep it going.
But how much attention do we actually pay to what’s happening in our bodies, or to what our bodies might be telling us?
Some of us spend so much time in our heads, thinking, analyzing, worrying, planning, or trying to figure everything out, that we barely notice what’s going on below our necks. We’re practically floating heads.*
Other people notice practically everything happening in their bodies. Their breathing changes, their hands get cold, their feet go numb, their heart races. They may be acutely aware of those sensations without necessarily knowing how they connect to what they’re feeling emotionally.
Some people recognize their emotions but have a harder time noticing what’s happening physically. Others experience so much, physically or emotionally or both, that it can be difficult to sort out what’s what.
And some of us wouldn’t know our heart rate was through the roof until our smartwatch started yelling at us about it!
There’s no single way people experience their bodies.
And sometimes we’re still figuring out what our own experiences mean.
The point isn’t to find the right answer to my question. It’s to have a conversation about what you’re experiencing, whether that’s something happening in your body, something you’re feeling emotionally, or something you haven’t quite figured out yet.
Part of our work might simply involve taking a moment to notice what’s happening and becoming curious about it. Not because there’s a particular sensation you’re supposed to find, but because noticing can help us begin to understand our experiences differently.
What Working Together Might Look Like
Mostly, we talk and connect. We get curious about what’s going on for you, what’s bringing you here, where you are today, what’s working, and what isn’t.
We’ll also pay attention to what seems to help, and we can change direction when something doesn’t.
Sometimes we slow down and notice what’s happening in the moment: in your thoughts, your feelings, or your body. Sometimes we look at where a pattern started, or what it might be protecting.
Some sessions might feel like a big step forward. Others might feel quieter, or messier. It’s all part of the work.
And you’ll always have a say in where we go
and how we get there!
Experience Has Shaped the Way I Practice
I’ve been a licensed therapist for more than 20 years. And the longer I’ve spent working with people, the less interested I’ve become in trying to fit anyone into a particular way of doing therapy.
People are dynamic, and life is complicated. What helps one person may do very little for someone else. And what helps someone at one point in their life may not be what they need at another.
That’s part of what has led me to keep learning and expanding the ways I understand people and approach the process of therapy.
I draw from different ways of thinking about people,
relationships, experiences, and change.
Experience hasn’t given me a formula or a magic spell. It’s given me more ways to help us figure out what might be useful to you.
Some of these ways help us understand the stories we tell about ourselves and where they started.
Others might help us notice what’s happening in our bodies and nervous systems, or work with experiences that aren’t easily changed through talking and understanding alone.
We might be curious about the different, and sometimes conflicting, parts of ourselves.
Some tools, like EMDR, are designed specifically to help reprocess and heal from traumatic experiences. And the Safe & Sound Protocol (SSP) can help the nervous system feel safer and more regulated.
But I don’t want to fit you into a particular approach just because it’s one I know how to use.
Finding the Right Fit
I think most of us can agree that, like most things in life, therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. It isn’t even one-size-fits-most.
And that includes the relationship between a therapist and client.
I don’t expect to be the right therapist for everyone. You may talk with me and decide I’m not the person you want to work with. I may listen to what you’re looking for and recognize that someone else could be better suited to help you.
Both matter. The relationship matters, too, and so does finding someone whose approach, personality, and way of working make sense for you.
My job isn’t to convince you I’m the right therapist for you.
It’s to help us figure out whether I might be.
That’s one reason I continue to offer a free 15-minute phone consultation,
even after more than 20 years in practice.
I don’t think of it as a sales pitch:
it’s more of an opportunity for both of us to get a sense of whether we might
work well together.
It gives you a chance to get a small sense of who I am and how I work, while
I can learn a little about you, what you’re looking for, and whether I believe I
can be helpful.
Fifteen minutes won’t tell us everything. Sometimes we can have a good
enough sense after that first conversation and we’ll decide to schedule an
initial appointment. Or we may decide that another direction makes more
sense. And sometimes it takes a few sessions of actually working together
to know whether the fit feels right.
Wondering Whether We Might Be a Good Fit?
Now that you’ve read a little more about me and my approach, perhaps you’d like to talk.
If you’d like to explore whether working together might make sense, contact me and we can schedule that 15-minute phone conversation.